Mar 21 - Apr 19
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Don't know who to text at 3 AM? Push the button, sis.
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August 23 - September 22
Your inner Virgo perfectionist has decided to orchestrate the ultimate illusion of domestic bliss today, forcing your poor mother to learn that overused TikTok dance where you yourself display absolutely zero rhythm. You are trying so desperately to look like the thriving, successful son home for the weekend that the sheer tension in the room is making your cat anxious. Instead of just relaxing and eating a home-cooked meal, you're art-directing the living room, adjusting your scarf, and demanding a fifteenth take because the lighting isn't hitting your jawline right. Let go of the control panel, honey, because your ex isn't checking your stories anyway, and your relatives are secretly praying you just pack up and head back to your overpriced studio apartment.